And if I Did Not
by Anime Aficionada
Summary: Reflecting upon his recent actions, the current Fire Lord grasps, understands, and comprehends what is the true meaning - above all misery, deception and doubt - of trust, loyalty and triumph. One Shot. Slight Toko Fluff. Rewritten for Better Consistency.


**Well, I'm here. I'm back. And, though I'm not too sure as to why, I have rewritten teeny weeny parts of this fic. And not to be ill-intentioned in any way of doing such actions, I hadn't edit this as a whole, mainly 'cause – through the course of rereading this – I really didn't want to change it. So much to my surprise, it was honestly a cute, fluffy read, and I didn't want to paw off at its initial adorability.

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Disclaimer:

**I hardly own the series of Avatar - my mind would not be skilled enough to orchestrate such pure awesomeness. D:**

Poem - And If I Did Not Make Mistakes - Katie Paton (Scottish Poet)

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_**And if I did not make mistakes  
And give too brief a thought to heavy questions  
And too much time to little matter;

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**_

I watched myself run my hands through the cold, glass water. The turtleducks bit me again, waddling off to the far side before I could get them. A bead of blood trickled off my fingertips into the water, softly diluting into a pale, almost rose-like lavender. My head shook. It didn't like what it saw in the water. It was like a crevice, a canyon burnt deep into a purple fold of skin with lighter shades of red casting out near the left of my cheeks. I inwardly cringed at the reflection. My right eye didn't look all too askew knowing that, essentially, it is the same shape as the other.

I turned around, whether to run away from the ducks or my scar, I didn't care.

What if I had fought my father? What if I had enough strength?

Oh, right, I didn't.

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_**Or if I always knew which road to travel  
Where every step would lead me into daylight  
And if each face that turned to watch me pass  
Was broken by a smile;

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**_

Had I made the right decision? Leaving my family, betraying them and fighting alongside the Avatar; such decisions were hard for one mind as myself to bear, and not at all would one intend to perform such self sacrifice. Saving the waterbender had been just, in more ways than one. It wasn't wrong by any means, was it? Surely earning yet another one of my monumental scars would mean something, at least, though considering all the strife that she alone had given... I can honestly say that I. don't. know.

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_**Or if whenever I should choose to lay my heart  
Bare upon the sun-warmed grass,  
It always was returned with tender touches  
And carried by a song;

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**_

"Zuko?"

Almost everything seemed to stop when that voice resounded from the hall. I quickly wisped around, facing the one man who had ownership to that voice. The sides of my lips formed into a wry, crooked smile. "Uncle, I'm coming," I said, walking up from the front of the porch. After a short pause, and a narrow glance at the lightly rippling water, I shook my hands off of any pond water. Marching towards the palace, I felt something was not quite right. That there was something missing. Something flawed.

I had betrayed my only family. Yes. I have sided with the Avatar. Yes. And, for Agni's safe, was it really that stupid to save one's almost obliterated life? Of course not! Saving Katara was probably one of the most memorable things I've ever did in my life. Alas! My head automatically nodded in agreement - this _was _right! It is a Fire Lord's duty to protect those who threaten his people and those he loves.

It was deemed right to all those above and around me... but, why then, did it feel so horribly _wrong_?

_**

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And if my heaviest burden were only to be  
A breeze upon my back, and blossom in my hair,  
And my brow was never crossed with lines of pain;**_

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The inside of the palace was the same. One stark difference, though, from when my father's rule and the present, that it was at peace. The golden walls shined with a seemingly renewed sparkle, the orange and yellow assortment of lamps smiling down among them. Baskets and baskets of flowers filled the hallways, in all forms, colours and types. I didn't know which flower exactly, but a certain smell stood out from the rest. It was Jasmine. Mother always wore one, two, or a whole bunch of them in her hair, sometimes in a headband. My nose twitched. It was a horrible, reminiscent smell. The certain one where it messed with your emotions, your sense of security mauled and newly found vulnerability played with.

_**

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If all this endless summer were my lot  
And winter's fury never beat me back,  
Then I never would have seen the stormy nights  
Through which I've struggled, fought and won;**_

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Sighing, I closed my eyes, wondering about how life could have been if my mother were to have not left us. Would she have been proud if she had seen me struggle? To struggle violently – both physically and mentally - and reign malevolently victorious?

All these years. So much... everything ... everything has changed. If she were here, would she have approved? I had fought so much – the battles of my own, others, and family and friends – and all of them for her. Mother would have never wanted violence. Her approach was too soft. If ever, she would fight, but fight only with words. She had no fists nor fire to protect her. She had nothing, apart from her cliché of undying love.

_**

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I never would have known the joy of needed comfort given,**_

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If only I were more skilled. She would be here. I was the reason she left.

A cloth wiped the side of my cheeks. "Sparky, for a mighty fire prince you really can let off as much waterworks as Katara."

I let out a soft laugh, choked and distorted. The sound of it was strange, wavering off in the silence.

"Your coronation's supposed to be happy, Zuko." Oh, what a statement. I inwardly rolled my eyes. I'm supposed to be nappy, huh? This is probably the most important day of my life, and the most important person in my life is gone. Boom. Perished. If only I hadn't -

"Care to tell?"

What?

Oh, _why_ had that Earth Kingdom kid have to be born in similar, higher castes as I have? Curse the girl; I honestly hated how perceptive the earthbender was, despite her obvious impairment. Rather annoyed, I shuffled over to the nearest room and locked it shut.

There. Peace. Quiet.

My coronation robe was draped over my bed. I didn't want Katara helping me again. She would have nagged me a little too much. I got it over my legs, though not my torso. I tugged, but to no avail. The lightning bolt left my torso very tender. I forgot how I managed to do anything before this point.

UGH!

A banging. No! Why'd _she _have to wait outside?

"Go _away_._"_

"Oi, no being nasty."

I growled at her and cursed loud - _very _loud.

I jumped, nearly toppling over onto my bed. Damn the earthbender. Why did I miss that? She could break a lock with a click of her fingers, and literally. How on hell could I have privacy _here_?!

"Sparky, here." Her former sarcasm was replaced with fresher tones of concern. I frowned. She took my hand around her waist and draped, wrapped and tied the rest of the robe around me by ten seconds, more or less. I mentally cussed at her physical stability.

"I did something for you, now you do something for me," she continued with a smile.

I realised that her face, although covered with a light powder of dust, the lines of her bones were perfect, reaching her eyes in a beautiful curve. She had dimples in the sides of her lips, not piercing through the middle of her cheeks. The glint in her eyes, however mischievous, was beautiful; happy. Though cut off from most forms of 'vision', she was still happy. The impairment since birth had been left here, irresolute.

Just like a scar.

My hand traced the lines of my flame. This scar was with me forever, it was what made who I am. I had always brought shame to my family, but not as a whole. My uncle, cousin Lu-ten, and more importantly, my dear mother loved me. They protected me even when I didn't deserve it.

Ursa, my mother, risked her beautiful, thriving existence for the shameless excuse of which I call my life. This was my scar, as much as it was hers. But with all scars, there is also blissful skin. The lively, fuller part. This was my pride, my power, my element, and my friends.

And the earthbender was one, if not most important, of them.

"Toph," I started. She, slowly but only slightly, nodded in response. I was shocked at how motionless she could be. "Thankyou," I smiled.

Her brows creased into a line, though her smile didn't waver. "For everything I've done, or allowing you to dress yourself appropriately without going nude?"

The blood fell from my cheeks.

The earthbender just let out a fit of laughter and I knew that I couldn't help but follow suit.

_**

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Or the essence of a friend.**_

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"Thank you, Toph, for believing in me when nobody else did, for being there where nobody else would, and for helping me not go nude, even though I may deserve it."

Toph chuckled, a soft expression spreading across her face.

"More importantly," I said touching my hand across her cheek, "thankyou for being a great friend." Leaning forward, I touched my lips with hers in a chaste kiss. She stepped back, wide-eyed and frozen.

I opened my mouth to explain but her finger close it shut.

"Say no more, Zuko. You're coronation's waiting for you," she turned around, glancing back with a look that said, _"tell me about it later."_

I nodded. She smiled my favourite smile and walked out, leaving me to my emotions.

We both bore scars. They had both shaped us. But it was we who had had to make the most of it. And I owe it to her for helping me realise that it could be done.

Though I may not have had the love of my direct family, I still had my element, my power, my pride and my friends. And if I had not gone through, and or done, the many mistakes that I have, I wouldn't have been granted the fortune to have such things.

Humming what I remembered of my mother's old lullaby, I walked towards the ceremonial grounds, now everything looking somehow different. Even though in its usual presence in the vibrant blue sky, the sun seemed even brighter than ever.

And if I did not look at it, I may not have given myself temporary visual impairment.

Sigh.

I guess I'm not all that fortunate after all.

**

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Omegod. Yeah. **

**So those who have read this previously and do not like its modifications... well, then, get used to it! Nah, just kidding; there's nothing I can do about any inconsistencies unless the edit is really that horrific.**

Anyhow, to be rewarded with virtual cookies and or vanilla, chocolate or strawberry cream,  
**Read and Review**, yo.  
:D


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